Stonewalling in Relationships: How to Break the Silence and Reconnect

Introduction

Few things feel as painful in a relationship as being shut out. Known as stonewalling, this behaviour happens when one partner withdraws or shuts down during conflict, making meaningful communication impossible. It can leave the other person feeling frustrated, rejected, or helpless.

At iflow Psychology in Gladesville, Inner West Sydney, our psychologists regularly see couples who are struggling with stonewalling and other communication breakdowns. The good news? With patience and the right strategies, couples can learn to move past stonewalling and build healthier ways of connecting.

Is communicating with your partner like talking to a stonewall?

12 Tips for Dealing With Stonewalling

1. Stay Calm and Regulate Yourself

When faced with silence, it’s natural to feel anxious or angry. But reacting emotionally can escalate tension and drive your partner further into withdrawal. Instead, take a few deep breaths, focus on staying composed, and remind yourself that stonewalling is often a defence mechanism rather than a personal attack.

2. Create Space and Take a Break

Sometimes the best way to move forward is to pause. If one partner is emotionally flooded, continuing the conversation rarely helps. Give each other space to cool down — even 20–30 minutes apart can make a difference. Use the time to reset with a walk, relaxation technique, or listening to music.

3. Re-Engage Gently

When you’re ready to talk again, begin softly. Avoid criticism or blame. Start with neutral, low-stress topics, then gently return to the issue at hand. Research shows that conversations that begin with calm, respectful language are far more likely to end constructively.

4. Validate Feelings Without Judgment

Stonewalling often comes from feeling overwhelmed or unheard. Acknowledging your partner’s perspective can help them feel safer to re-engage. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything — it means recognising their emotions as real and important. Simple phrases like “I can see this feels really difficult for you” can open doors.

5. Plan for Better Communication

If stonewalling is recurring, discuss ways to prevent it outside of conflict moments. Agree on signals for taking breaks, schedule regular check-ins, and practise active listening. Small, intentional changes can reduce patterns of withdrawal and help build trust over time.

6. Seek Professional Support

If stonewalling is causing ongoing distress, couples counselling can provide a safe and structured space to reconnect. At iflow Psychology, our experienced psychologists support couples across Gladesville and the Inner West of Sydney to develop healthier communication skills and strengthen their relationships.

Conclusion

Stonewalling can feel like hitting a wall in your relationship, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. By staying calm, allowing space, re-engaging gently, validating feelings, and seeking support, couples can find ways to move past silence and into meaningful connection.

Get Support Today

If you or your partner are struggling with communication challenges such as stonewalling, we’re here to help.

📍 Visit us at our Gladesville clinic in Sydney’s Inner West.

📞 Call 02 6061 1144 or book online for an appointment.

💻 Flexible options: in-person, telehealth, or phone counselling.

With Medicare rebates available for eligible clients, accessing support has never been easier.

Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are concerned about your mental health or relationship, please consult a qualified health professional.

(c) 2023 Dean Harrison