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Ways to Show Love: 8 Relationship Patterns People Actually Notice
- Dean Harrison - Counselling Psychologist
- Jul 28, 2023
- 8 min read
Updated: 19 hours ago
Many people look for practical ways to show love but feel their effort is misunderstood or unnoticed. This may include spending time together, offering encouragement, helping with practical tasks, physical closeness, thoughtful gestures, or emotional support. Different people notice and appreciate different forms of affection, which is why misunderstandings can occur even in caring relationships.
Psychologists often describe these patterns as “love languages”, the ways individuals tend to express and recognise care. Understanding these differences can make communication clearer and relationships feel more secure.
The concept was popularised by Dr Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages. Many clinicians now recognise additional expressions of affection because people connect in diverse ways.
People often feel unloved not because love is absent, but because it is being expressed in a different form.
How People Show Love: Common Questions Answered
What are the love languages?
Love languages are different ways people tend to give and receive affection. The most well-known model includes words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts. The idea is that people often feel most valued when love is shown in the way that matters most to them.
How do I figure out my partner's love language?
Notice what your partner complains about or asks for most often. Do they want more time together, more appreciation, more help around the house, or more physical closeness? You can also ask them directly what makes them feel most cared for. Open conversations are usually more helpful than guessing.
What if our love languages are different?
It’s common for partners to value different forms of affection. The key is learning to express care in ways that matter to the other person, even if it doesn’t come naturally at first. Small, consistent adjustments can make a big difference in how understood someone feels.
Is physical touch always sexual?
No. Physical touch can include holding hands, hugging, sitting close, or a reassuring hand on the shoulder. For many people, non-sexual touch communicates safety, warmth, and connection. It’s important that both partners feel comfortable with the level and type of touch.
Why do love languages sometimes feel “wrong”?
Sometimes people feel pressured to fit into one category, but real relationships are more flexible. Cultural background, personality, and past experiences can influence how someone prefers to give and receive love. It’s okay if your preferences don’t neatly match a checklist.
Can love languages change over time?
Yes. Life stages, stress, parenting, health, and relationship changes can all shift what feels most meaningful. What mattered most early in a relationship may not be the same years later. Checking in with each other periodically helps keep connection strong.
People usually show love through actions, words, time, touch, or supportive behaviour that helps another person feel understood and secure.
Actions (helpful behaviour)
Words (encouragement or appreciation)
Time (shared attention)
Touch (physical closeness)
Support (emotional reliability)
Below are practical examples of how people commonly express affection in everyday life.
8 Ways to Show Love That People Recognise
These additional patterns are clinical observations rather than formal diagnostic categories.
1. Acts of Service: Helping Shows You Care
For many people, doing something helpful or kind for someone they love is the ultimate expression of love. This could be as simple as cooking dinner, running errands, or doing household chores. Acts of service show that you care enough about someone to make their life easier and more enjoyable.
Making breakfast in bed for your partner
Doing the dishes or laundry
Running errands for your elderly parents
Cleaning the house before your spouse comes home
Helping a friend move to a new apartment
Common Question: “Isn’t this just being helpful?” While it may seem like just being practical, for someone whose primary love language is acts of service, these gestures feel like love in action. They notice and deeply appreciate every effort.
2. Physical Touch: Affectionate Touch
Physical touch is a powerful way to show affection and love. Physical touch can be comforting, reassuring, and intimate, from holding hands to giving a hug. For some people, physical touch is their primary love language; without it, they may feel unloved or disconnected.
Holding hands while walking
Hugging your child when they're upset
Cuddling with your partner on the couch
Giving a massage to your spouse after a long day
Playfully tickling your best friend
Common Question: “Does this mean it’s all about intimacy?” Not at all. Physical touch includes a wide range of loving gestures—from a reassuring pat on the back to a warm embrace. It's about closeness, not just romance.
3. Quality Time: Building Connection
Spending quality time with someone you love is another way to demonstrate your affection. This could be as simple as conversing over coffee or walking together. Quality time allows you to connect with someone on a deeper level and shows that you value their company and companionship.
Going on a date with your partner
Take your kids to the park for a picnic
Going for a walk with your dog
Having a game night with your friends
Going out for coffee or drinks with a loved one
Did You Know? It’s not just about time, it’s about presence. That means undivided attention. Put away the phone, turn off the TV, and truly tune into the moment.
Attention is usually experienced as care, and distraction as rejection.
When Love Languages Create Tension
Sometimes partners understand the concept of love languages but still struggle to feel connected. Differences in communication styles, stress, parenting pressures, or past relationship experiences can make it difficult to “translate” love effectively.
If recurring misunderstandings are affecting your relationship, structured couples counselling can help partners understand communication patterns and reduce repeated conflict.
Most couples are trying - they are just trying in different directions.
Common signs communication is breaking down:
You repeat the same argument without resolution
One partner feels they are trying harder than the other
Affection is interpreted as criticism
Practical help is dismissed or unnoticed
Conversations escalate quickly from minor issues
4. Words of Affirmation Love Language: Boosting Self-Esteem and Relationships
Words of affirmation influence how a person feels about themselves and their relationship. Saying "I love you" or complimenting someone on their achievements can greatly affect how they feel about themselves and their relationship with you.
Saying "I love you" to your partner
Complimenting your friend on their new outfit
Praising your child for their good grades
Telling your parents how much you appreciate them
Expressing gratitude to a co-worker who helped you out
Common Misunderstanding: Some people think words don’t matter if actions are there, but for people who value words of affirmation, even the kindest actions fall flat without verbal encouragement.
5. Gift-Giving Love Language: Thoughtful Presents that Show Love
Giving gifts is a way to show love and appreciation for some people. It's not about the value of the gift itself but rather the thought and effort involved in choosing it. Whether a small trinket or an extravagant present, gift-giving can be a meaningful way to demonstrate love.
Buying your spouse their favourite book
Bringing your friend a bouquet of flowers
Giving your child a new toy they've been wanting
Sending your parents a gift basket
Surprising your partner with tickets to their favourite band's concert
Tip: Even a handwritten note, a picked flower, or a favourite snack can make someone feel deeply loved. It’s the message behind the gift that counts.
6. Acts of Kindness Love Language: Small Gestures with Big Impact
Acts of kindness are another way to show love for others. This could be anything from bringing someone breakfast in bed to leaving a note of encouragement on their desk. Acts of kindness show that you care about someone and are willing to go out of your way to make their day a little brighter.
Volunteering at a local charity organisation
Helping a stranger carry their groceries
Cooking dinner for a sick friend
Bringing coffee to your co-worker on a busy day
Offering to babysit for a friend who needs a night out
Reflection: Ask yourself, “What small thing could I do today to make someone feel seen or appreciated?” These little gestures add up to lasting emotional security.
7. Sacrifice Love Language: Prioritising Others to Show Love
Sometimes, demonstrating love for someone means making a sacrifice. This could be as simple as giving up something you enjoy to spend time with them or as significant as putting your needs aside to help them through a difficult time. Sacrifice shows that you are willing to prioritise someone else's needs above your own.
Giving up your weekend plans to help a friend move
Staying up late to comfort your partner after a bad day
Skipping a night out with friends to take care of your sick child
Cancelling a vacation to be with a family member who needs you
Putting aside your own goals to support your partner in achieving theirs
Important Note: Sacrifice isn’t about martyrdom or losing yourself. Healthy sacrifice means thoughtful choices, not resentment. When done with care and consent, it becomes a powerful expression of love.
8. Support Love Language: Standing by Your Loved Ones
Supporting someone through both the good times and the bad is another way to demonstrate love. Whether listening to them vent about a frustrating day or celebrating their achievements, support shows that you care about their well-being and want to see them succeed.
Attending your child's school play or sports game
Listening to your friend vent about their problems
Celebrating your spouse's promotion with them
Helping your parent research retirement options
Encouraging your co-worker to pursue their dream job
Frequently Asked: “Isn’t support just expected in a relationship?” Yes—but when it’s consistent, emotionally attuned, and vocalised, it becomes a love language that reassures and empowers.
Some people find they can understand the concept but still struggle to apply it during conflict. Communication skills training can help translate understanding into practical change.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people demonstrate their love for others in various ways. Whether through acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gift-giving, acts of kindness, sacrifice, or support, the key is to find the expression that resonates most with your loved ones. By understanding and utilising these different ways of demonstrating love, you can build deeper and more meaningful connections with the people who matter most in your life.
Final Reflection: What is your primary love language? And are you loving others in the way they best receive it—or the way you prefer to give it? Sometimes we need to ‘translate’ our love to speak their language.
This information is educational and not a substitute for personalised relationship guidance.
Do you tend to express care in the way you prefer to receive it?
Quick Reflection Exercise
Take two minutes and write down:
The way you most often show love.
The way you most appreciate receiving love.
One small change you could try this week.
Understanding changes relationships more than agreement does.
Many couples recognise the issue but find they keep having the same conversation without resolution. Many couples delay support because the relationship is not “bad enough”. In practice, earlier conversations are usually easier to repair than long-standing patterns.
If you recognised your relationship in several of the examples above, you are not alone, many couples experience the same patterns but assume they should resolve them themselves.
When to Consider Professional Support
Understanding love languages can improve communication. However, if you and your partner find yourselves repeating the same arguments, feeling unheard, or drifting emotionally apart, a structured sessions with a registered psychologist can help identify interaction patterns and reduce recurring conflict.
Repeated arguments are rarely about the topic - they are about feeling understood.
At iflow Psychology in Gladesville, our registered psychologists provide evidence-based couples counselling and individual therapy. Sessions are available in person or via telehealth across NSW.
If communication keeps looping without resolution, professional guidance can help both partners understand what is happening, not who is at fault. You can book online or contact our team on 02 6061 1144. We provide couples counselling in Gladesville and telehealth across NSW.
Flexible Counselling Options
iflow Psychology offers in-person, telehealth, and telephone counselling services.
No matter where you are in Australia, you can access professional mental health support that’s tailored to your needs and schedule.
Contact Us
Complete our simple enquiry form, and our friendly admin team will contact you during office hours. We are here to answer any questions and assist you in scheduling an appointment.
Location Details
Visit iflow Psychology in Gladesville, Sydney, NSW, Australia, for in-person consultations. We also provide convenient telehealth services, ensuring accessibility no matter your location.
Disclaimer
The information on this website is for informational purposes only. Prior to making any decisions, we recommend consulting your treating doctor, healthcare professionals, and legal representatives. This is particularly important if you have health concerns or existing mental health or medical conditions.
(c) 2023 Dean Harrison
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