In over thirty years of practice, I have never had so many new clients reporting bizarre and somewhat concerning experiences in their journey to accessing appropriate therapy for mental health issues. Maybe there is an explosion of untrained people hanging up shingles as a therapist, counsellors or shamans to pay for our uncontrollable inflation and those mortgage interest rate hikes! Warning: Buyer beware!!!
Welcome to the intriguing therapy world where the unexpected isn't just a possibility—it's practically a guarantee if you do not see a registered psychologist or health professional!
If you've been privy to some eyebrow-raising tales about what psychologists do, or more aptly, what they don't do, buckle up for a rollercoaster ride through the oddities of therapeutic experiences.
Now, let’s dive into the comically bizarre world of what psychologists don’t do.
What Psychologists Do Not Do!
If your 'psychologist' does any of the following, then they are not likely to be a psychologist registered with AHPRA (the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency). Alternatively, if they are a psychologist, they probably should be reported!
Jungian Jumping Jacks:
Ah, yes, Jungian therapy, the psychological equivalent of finding a Walkman in a world of Spotify. Don't get me wrong, Jung was a genius in his own right, but trying to solve modern-day problems with archaic methods is like using a horse and carriage on a SpaceX mission. Sometimes, the past should stay where it belongs—in history books.
Outdated practices like Jungian therapy might make for intriguing cocktail party conversations. Still, when it comes to modern mental health, it's a bit like diagnosing your iPhone with the black plague—irrelevant and slightly concerning.
I am sorry to say if you have spent years on the couch, you have simply been funding someone’s lifestyle and their obsession with a redundant psychological practice.
Hocus Pocus Therapies
Then there are those therapeutic interventions that sound more like Hogwarts admissions than evidence-based practices. Suppose your therapist suggests lying on the floor to conquer an addiction while chanting mantras and summoning inner energies. In that case, it might be less about healing and more about auditioning for a role in a magic show. 'Abracadabra' isn’t a clinical term, last time I checked.
Who knew defeating your inner demons required a shag pile rug and a sprinkle of fairy dust? Last I checked, the battle against addiction doesn't typically involve summoning mystical forces, but hey, if it works for Gandalf, who am I to judge?
48-Hour Marital Miracles
Ah, the infamous 'relationship therapist' who promised to sprinkle magic dust on a failing marriage within a weekend. Charging an arm, a leg, and possibly a tiny country's GDP for a 48-hour intensive therapy session at home sounds like a plot twist from a reality TV show.
Spoiler alert: the 24-hour mark hit, the magic fizzled out faster than a deflating balloon, and the marriage remained un-fixed. The only person who benefited was the unscrupulous therapist robbing vulnerable couples of their hard-earned dollars!
Therapists don't have a time machine set to fix marriages within a weekend. If someone claims they can resolve years of relationship turmoil in 48 hours, they're either bluffing or moonlighting as a fairy godparent without the wand.
Note to self: when seeking marital bliss, maybe skip the quick fix, therapy on speed approaches that overpromise and underdeliver.
Temperament Time Warp
Remember the four temperaments from 360 BC? Well, some therapists are clinging to these like they're the hottest trend in town.
Newsflash: Psychology has evolved since togas were fashion statements.
While therapists can't wave a wand to fix everything, the world of psychology isn't devoid of miracles. However, despite some attempts to turn therapy into a mystical carnival ride, therapists aren't magicians.
A therapist's toolkit is filled with years of formal training, ethics, empathy, evidence-based practices, and a willingness to journey alongside their clients, not with wands or crystal balls, but with understanding and guidance.
So, if your therapist starts speaking Latin or suggests a séance to channel your inner child, maybe consider gently steering the conversation back to more grounded practices. After all, the goal is to navigate life's complexities with a touch of sanity, not to venture into a realm where therapy resembles a fusion of Harry Potter and an episode of Doctor Strange.
Remember, therapy isn't about diving into a surreal experience—it's about finding support, understanding, and actionable strategies to navigate the sometimes bewildering maze of life. And if your therapist tries to sell you on a 24-hour miracle fix, it might be time to hit the pause button and seek a second opinion. After all, even in psychology, some things are best left to the imagination rather than the therapy room floor.
Finding the Right Therapist
Finding the right therapist can be like a dating game—minus the flowers and awkward first dates. With fanciful stories about therapies resembling a scene from an ancient alchemist's lab or a circus act, navigating the wild world of therapy with a discerning eye is essential.
Here are some savvy tips to find a therapist who won't have you contemplating if you've wandered into a time machine.
1. Credentials are Key
Look for therapists who are registered health professionals. Evidence of professional registration is not just fancy wall decoration but your reassurance that the person guiding your mental health journey knows their stuff. Just pop their name into the AHPRA Register of Practitioners, and you can check if the therapist is the real deal!
2. Location Matters
While a cozy home office might sound inviting, choosing a therapist in a professional setting is usually advisable. Unless you're into therapy sessions interrupted by barking dogs or your therapist's family dinner in the background, it is about professionalism, boundaries and safety!
3. Bye-Bye, Time Travel
Ask about their therapeutic approach. Suppose they discuss healing energies or ancient temperament theories like 'choleric' and 'phlegmatic'. In that case, it might signify that their practice has been collecting dust since toga parties were in vogue.
Focus on therapists who lean on contemporary, evidence-based practices, not learned from the contents of a time capsule.
4. Show Me the Evidence
Inquire about the therapies they use. Evidence-based approaches have the research receipts to back them up. If they suggest something akin to dancing in the moonlight to cure anxiety, it might be time to dance your way out of there.
5. Qualifications Do Matter
Check their qualifications. Just as you wouldn't trust a surgeon who learned their craft from YouTube tutorials, ensure your therapist has the proper education and training to support your mental health journey.
While navigating the therapist jungle might feel like searching for a needle in a haystack, fear not! Armed with these tips, you're better equipped to dodge outdated practices and pseudo-magical interventions.
When it comes to your mental health and relationships, a therapist who relies on evidence, professionalism, and a touch of 21st-century expertise is the real treasure at the end of the therapeutic rainbow.
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(c) 2024 Dean Harrison